Conflict Avoidance: Understanding its Impact and Consequences

By avoiding situations that could lead to personal development, people may lose out on important life experiences. Avoidance also limits opportunities to learn and apply healthier coping skills, which are essential for managing stress and fostering resilience. Without addressing avoidance behavior, the cycle of anxiety can become more entrenched, making it harder to overcome.

Avoid talking about issues you get angry about.

Another manifestation of conflict avoidance is when you act passive-aggressive or resort to name-calling or insults. And I just think that there’s so many positive sides to conflict. If you’re concerned that your partner is using avoidance as a way to influence the resolution of an issue, that’s important. They may or may not be doing it intentionally, but the end result is a consequential disruption in healthy relational communication and functioning.

Why You Need to Stop Avoiding Conflict (and What to Do Instead)

Couples can run into trouble if one partner always wants to talk out a conflict while the other just wants to watch playoffs” (Gottman & Silver, 1999). You don’t have to make sure they tell the truth all the time. Even if you can admit a tiny bit that you’re wrong in a situation, it can open up a conversation tremendously to the other person, saying, well, actually I was behaving passive-aggressively. Any vulnerability you can show how to deal with someone who avoids conflict is really going to encourage the other person to do the same.

Online therapy

When I talk to people about how does a conflict make them feel, I hear words like, anxious, scared, afraid, stressed out, under-valued, misunderstood. You have to accept that that is just an unhealthy expression of emotion. So they’re having some feeling that they’re not able to express in a direct or honest way.

• That will help keep the other person invested in the conversation and not feel attacked.
• While avoiding something can relieve your immediate anxiety, it has unhelpful long-term consequences.
• It is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before making any decisions or taking action.
• We’re going to make mistakes and do dumb things sometimes.
• Personality types play a huge role in how we deal with conflict at work.
• To resolve conflict at work, you need to start by knowing your own tendencies and by telling which kind of person you’re dealing with.
• The content on this page is not a replacement for professional diagnosis, treatment, or informed advice.

Could you lean into being a seeker sometimes and not worry so much about the relationship? But you wouldn’t want to give that up, nor likely would you give up the fact that you care so much about relationships. So really what you want to know is what is your default approach?

Getting positive reinforcement and lowered stress will encourage you to let go of your unhealthy avoidance coping habit. Take a minute to think of situations when you tend to use avoidance coping. Make note of these and try to actively notice when you are avoiding something in the future.

An important question to ask about avoidant behavior is, What is the risk that the person is trying to avoid by sidestepping this topic or concern? That helps us get to the core of the issue and create a safe space in which feelings can be discussed openly and honestly. If you are finding it hard to make changes or are not even sure where to start, a mental health professional might be able to help. Having the skills and support of a trusted therapist can make an immeasurable difference as you learn to replace your old ways of thinking about and responding to stress with more effective ones. One of the only passive coping strategies found to be helpful is the practice of stress relief techniques.

Once people know you, they will know you’re being honest when you say, “No, I didn’t do that.” Because they know you admit when you were wrong. If you are in a position where you need to stand up for yourself, consider how you can logically present your complaint to the other person. Take some time to think about it and even rehearse what you want to say.

We’re going to make mistakes and do dumb things sometimes. Sometimes we wind up in conflicts because of miscommunications, misconceptions, or unmet expectations. At no point in history has there ever been a time when some group of people wasn’t on the outs and getting beaten down by society. So, really take some time to think about the things that make you heated.

You will deepen trusting relationships, develop new opportunities, and stop spending time and emotional energy avoiding conflict. We have all faced individuals who dig their heels in and won’t budge. They don’t listen to your perspective, idea or opinion. You may feel resistant and lack respect for these types of people. So rather than try to work through these situations, you try to avoid them.